Dear Sister;
I was lying in bed watching TV and thinking about the ache in my heart and about you.
I thought about an analogy:
If I bought seed and potting soil and worked very hard to make a little flower garden, and the effort gave me great joy as well as expectations, and as I watched and watered the flower plants through the summer and into blooming, cut and enjoyed many of the flowers and the sight and smell, and all the joy I got from the flowers filled my days with loveliness and beauty, then in the fall the frost came and burned my flowering plants while they were still in bloom, and cut them to the ground in dry withering piles, I would not say, "I wish I hadn't ever planted them, and I shall never plant again,, but I would remember the joy and the beauty, and hope that I would once again have the chance to enjoy the experience, even with full knowledge that the plants might be taken before me, and that I might have to live on without them in my life, but only the memories.
If I didn’t keep on looking for love, and cultivating friendships at all costs and in spite of the knowledge I have that most men, and even women that I associate with will not be with me throughout my life, and that many will hurt me, and cast me aside before I give up on them, then I would be giving up all the joy and beauty and happiness I get from the relationships while they do last. And I would far rather suffer the pain of loss, than the pain of not ever having a friend.
So that's my little parable for you and for me. I'm going back to bed and wallow in my heart ache, but I hope you will go forth and risk losing, in order to gain what life has for you, even though most the time it is a temporary. I know my heart ache is temporary, and that soon the lump will go away and the tears will not be so near the surface. Time will help that. And with time, I will have the courage to begin another little flower garden to enjoy, nurturing, and perhaps one day I will be allowed to keep it for all eternity.
I love you.
Lynda
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Mediator
April 16, 1995
The Easter talks and conference talks about atonement of Christ as the great Mediator, combining Justice and Mercy by taking over the debt himself were wonderful to hear.
The hint I got from Mother, as I wrote you about, that you feel I owe you a debt for perceived wrong doings, and I realize that I still feel that you owe my children the money that would have been theirs for college and starting life, the hundreds of thousands of dollars given us over the years by my parents that I trusted you to invest for the purpose of taking care of our children and educating them.
Perhaps the children are the only ones that are really owed a debt and our paying the money to lawyers has not helped them in any way. They have neither gotten what they asked for and wanted, nor been given the money they need and want for college.
Maybe it should be up to the children to be the mediators in that the debt is really falling in their laps as they begin college, broke with no college funds to help them. They seem to be surviving and dealing with their lives, and they will probably make it on their own.
But as Mediator they would accept the debt for each of us if we became obliged to them as our creditors--according to Hinkley's parable of the great mediator. If there was a trust fund that provided college money for them as they progressed through college we could pay into that rather than sending our lawyers' kids to college. So far they are the only winners in these 8 years.
You nor I will ever make together any amount near the money my parents gave us over the years, and I will probably not be able to work enough years to pay you what you think I owe you,(my job ends May 25, I have no prospects, and you are familiar with my track record) but if Christ was measuring it, the effort to support our children would probably count more than the effort to continue to destroy my credibility in courts, and any meager effort I would make to defend myself from the demands you have made on me in spite of our legal agreement in l987 not to do so.
Maybe forgiving debts would make a good statement from both of us that we do believe in Christ and do make some efforts to follow his words. It might help them forgive us the debt we owe them.
Even the $200,000 dollars that we got from the sale of the ranch, if it had been put in simple CD or other safe investments would have made enough interest to help them all through college.
That was my mistake, I gave in to your insisting that we invest it all in the pig farm, and your promises that there would be sufficient return to take care of them.
Granted the money you chose to spend to present your case (what did you tell Mother, twenty thousand dollars?) in court to get me to pay child support could have also been spent more wisely by investing. I have never understood why you would throw away good money on a lawyer when you were a capable one yourself. It was almost as if you planned to spend as much as you could possibly spend on an attorney and then put the attorney's fees off on me. But we agreed to pay our own in l987. In l991 the judge again ruled that we would each pay our own. Why throw more good money after badly spent money?
I looked up mediators in the yellow pages and called a couple--they are mostly lawyers with counseling training or counselors with legal training who charge gobs of money to listen to people argue out of court. Since we have gone the route of counseling and church mediators etc, I didn't think it would do much good to suggest it. The fact that there is no communication between us makes in nearly impossible for a mediator to make any difference.
My suggestion is we set up a scholarship fund that the children can draw on according to their progress in school, or whatever rules you want to make for it, we match funds each month in donations to the fund, in an attempt to pay our debt to the children, and forgive the indebtedness to each other satisfying both justice and mercy. By taking on the mediator role, the children can possibly overcome the problems they have expressed of forgiving and being forgiven and the past can be put behind us all.
I don't expect to hear from you, since you usually don't answer letters, but if you are willing to attempt this arrangement you know my address. As you are aware, I have dismissed my attorney and everything is on hold legally at this time as far as I know, but there are time constraints on the appeal procedure and I will be forced to proceed with it if we cannot work out something of this nature. We, meaning you and me and the children, excluding your attorney.
The Easter talks and conference talks about atonement of Christ as the great Mediator, combining Justice and Mercy by taking over the debt himself were wonderful to hear.
The hint I got from Mother, as I wrote you about, that you feel I owe you a debt for perceived wrong doings, and I realize that I still feel that you owe my children the money that would have been theirs for college and starting life, the hundreds of thousands of dollars given us over the years by my parents that I trusted you to invest for the purpose of taking care of our children and educating them.
Perhaps the children are the only ones that are really owed a debt and our paying the money to lawyers has not helped them in any way. They have neither gotten what they asked for and wanted, nor been given the money they need and want for college.
Maybe it should be up to the children to be the mediators in that the debt is really falling in their laps as they begin college, broke with no college funds to help them. They seem to be surviving and dealing with their lives, and they will probably make it on their own.
But as Mediator they would accept the debt for each of us if we became obliged to them as our creditors--according to Hinkley's parable of the great mediator. If there was a trust fund that provided college money for them as they progressed through college we could pay into that rather than sending our lawyers' kids to college. So far they are the only winners in these 8 years.
You nor I will ever make together any amount near the money my parents gave us over the years, and I will probably not be able to work enough years to pay you what you think I owe you,(my job ends May 25, I have no prospects, and you are familiar with my track record) but if Christ was measuring it, the effort to support our children would probably count more than the effort to continue to destroy my credibility in courts, and any meager effort I would make to defend myself from the demands you have made on me in spite of our legal agreement in l987 not to do so.
Maybe forgiving debts would make a good statement from both of us that we do believe in Christ and do make some efforts to follow his words. It might help them forgive us the debt we owe them.
Even the $200,000 dollars that we got from the sale of the ranch, if it had been put in simple CD or other safe investments would have made enough interest to help them all through college.
That was my mistake, I gave in to your insisting that we invest it all in the pig farm, and your promises that there would be sufficient return to take care of them.
Granted the money you chose to spend to present your case (what did you tell Mother, twenty thousand dollars?) in court to get me to pay child support could have also been spent more wisely by investing. I have never understood why you would throw away good money on a lawyer when you were a capable one yourself. It was almost as if you planned to spend as much as you could possibly spend on an attorney and then put the attorney's fees off on me. But we agreed to pay our own in l987. In l991 the judge again ruled that we would each pay our own. Why throw more good money after badly spent money?
I looked up mediators in the yellow pages and called a couple--they are mostly lawyers with counseling training or counselors with legal training who charge gobs of money to listen to people argue out of court. Since we have gone the route of counseling and church mediators etc, I didn't think it would do much good to suggest it. The fact that there is no communication between us makes in nearly impossible for a mediator to make any difference.
My suggestion is we set up a scholarship fund that the children can draw on according to their progress in school, or whatever rules you want to make for it, we match funds each month in donations to the fund, in an attempt to pay our debt to the children, and forgive the indebtedness to each other satisfying both justice and mercy. By taking on the mediator role, the children can possibly overcome the problems they have expressed of forgiving and being forgiven and the past can be put behind us all.
I don't expect to hear from you, since you usually don't answer letters, but if you are willing to attempt this arrangement you know my address. As you are aware, I have dismissed my attorney and everything is on hold legally at this time as far as I know, but there are time constraints on the appeal procedure and I will be forced to proceed with it if we cannot work out something of this nature. We, meaning you and me and the children, excluding your attorney.
I WANT TO REMAIN ON EARTH AS A CHILD
I WANT TO REMAIN ON EARTH AS A CHILD
To Gary who has remained on earth as a child over 40 years.
Kim walked briskly up the golden path, deep in thought and only partly aware of the multitude moving in the same direction. Each held a special ticket in his hand. Kim re-read his: "You are invited to attend a special assembly of elect spirits in the presence of Elohim and Jehovah. There you will receive further instructions as to the special part you will play as an individual on the earth."
Kim wondered again why he had been invited to attend. He looked at those around him, studying each face. He knew of their great devotion to the cause of freedom, of their valiant stand during the great battle with Lucifer and his followers. He spotted among his brothers and sisters those with great talents, and with virtue beyond reproach. He was humbled by being associated with such greatness.
In front of the convention sat The Father and The Son, along with many others Kim recognized as leaders and patriarchs. He took his seat among the congregation and silently evaluated his pre-earth life. He thrilled at the memory of Elohim explaining to all his children how he would build an earth for them to inhabit, to gain bodies, to be tested and progress too become like the Father Himself. He shuddered at the bitterness shown by Lucifer when Jehovah himself was named as king and Savior of the earth. He mourned over the loss of one third of his brothers and sisters, shocked that they would follow Lucifer's plan rather than the Father's plan for free agency.
The organ began to play more softly, and the stillness settled as Jehovah rose to conduct this very special assembly. "We welcome you all, my brothers and sisters, to this sacred and select assembly of spirits. Those of you who have been invited here today are among the most choice, special and valiant spirits children of our Father and Mother. We commend you for your total devotion to the plan of exaltation, and the willingness to serve and honor our Father which you have shown in this pre-earth life.
"As you know, soon each of you will be assigned to a time and place on earth where you will have the opportunity to have a body of flesh and bone, as explained in the Great Council. For most of the children of Elohim it will be the use of that body that determines the final assignment in the third and eternal estate. For those of you present by invitation today, the body will be a formality, a necessary step in your exaltation, but it will have no bearing on your exaltation. The Father has chosen you as his elect sons and daughters, because of your valiant and unwavering efforts and great devotion. You, seated here today, are the chosen perfect spirits of Elohim who He will exalt to kings and queens upon your return from earth. You have proven yourselves beyond reproach and beyond question you will become gods and goddesses."
A stir of breath taking sounded above the reverent silence. Kim shuddered with the thrilling thought and felt comfortable in the choices he had made so far which had brought him here.
"There are various stations in life which each of you will assume, and you will be given your choice in which way you wish to serve. The earth will be full of suffering, sickness, wars, starvation, pestilence, deformity of mind and body. Lucifer himself will attempt to thwart the plan of our Father by destroying as many of the bodies created for His children as possible. He will use all his means to destroy bodies to keep them from reaching their eternal goals. He will cause drugs and abuse to become rampant killers of children, and as a final resort he will try to destroy the bodies of unborn children through abortions, drug induced deformities, diseases and deformities caused by ignorance and lack of knowledge will be passed on to children from parents and grandparents. Lucifer does not understand the power of the Lord. Elohim will not be thwarted. Those bodies that will be crippled, deformed, tortured by illness only to die as little children, as well as those who inherit strong physical bodies with little mental capacity, will be assigned to those spirits present here today.
"Some of you will return momentarily after you have occupied the body prepared for you; some will suffer in the physical body for a short time and then return; some with mental incapacities will remain as children on earth for the lifetime of a man, and still return white as the driven snow, exalted to godship because of your efforts here.
"We want you to consider these things in your decision and know that the longest earth life is as but a moment with Our Father. We again commend you for your valiancy; we express our great love for you on this special calling, and anxiously await your return to our presence,."
Kim awaited his interview and final assignment with eagerness. He was overwhelmed with humility that he had been chosen for this great assignment. He watched as many of his brothers and sisters took their place on earth. He watched the suffering of the sick and crippled on earth. He watched the joy of little children with pure faith in Christ; and with sadness the progression of some from simple childhood faith to adult skepticism and apostasy.
The time went quickly in the spirit world, and as many left, more returned with grand tales of adventure on the earth, or heavy hearts for their lost estates. Children returned happy and full of love for earth and for the Father, and stories of the love of their earthly families. Cripples returned and were restored to health and exaltation in the Father's presence. Some returned instantly, after only a moment of earth life, exalted to godship.
Kim watched the children. The excitement that they possessed was a thrill to see. What fun they had had. What pure love they possessed. The great thrill of earth experience, even for a few short years was exciting to Kim.
Finally the day for his interviews and assignments came. Kim had made his decision, and when the Father asked how he wanted to use his body in the service of the father, Kim answered, "I wish to remain on earth as a child."
To Gary who has remained on earth as a child over 40 years.
Kim walked briskly up the golden path, deep in thought and only partly aware of the multitude moving in the same direction. Each held a special ticket in his hand. Kim re-read his: "You are invited to attend a special assembly of elect spirits in the presence of Elohim and Jehovah. There you will receive further instructions as to the special part you will play as an individual on the earth."
Kim wondered again why he had been invited to attend. He looked at those around him, studying each face. He knew of their great devotion to the cause of freedom, of their valiant stand during the great battle with Lucifer and his followers. He spotted among his brothers and sisters those with great talents, and with virtue beyond reproach. He was humbled by being associated with such greatness.
In front of the convention sat The Father and The Son, along with many others Kim recognized as leaders and patriarchs. He took his seat among the congregation and silently evaluated his pre-earth life. He thrilled at the memory of Elohim explaining to all his children how he would build an earth for them to inhabit, to gain bodies, to be tested and progress too become like the Father Himself. He shuddered at the bitterness shown by Lucifer when Jehovah himself was named as king and Savior of the earth. He mourned over the loss of one third of his brothers and sisters, shocked that they would follow Lucifer's plan rather than the Father's plan for free agency.
The organ began to play more softly, and the stillness settled as Jehovah rose to conduct this very special assembly. "We welcome you all, my brothers and sisters, to this sacred and select assembly of spirits. Those of you who have been invited here today are among the most choice, special and valiant spirits children of our Father and Mother. We commend you for your total devotion to the plan of exaltation, and the willingness to serve and honor our Father which you have shown in this pre-earth life.
"As you know, soon each of you will be assigned to a time and place on earth where you will have the opportunity to have a body of flesh and bone, as explained in the Great Council. For most of the children of Elohim it will be the use of that body that determines the final assignment in the third and eternal estate. For those of you present by invitation today, the body will be a formality, a necessary step in your exaltation, but it will have no bearing on your exaltation. The Father has chosen you as his elect sons and daughters, because of your valiant and unwavering efforts and great devotion. You, seated here today, are the chosen perfect spirits of Elohim who He will exalt to kings and queens upon your return from earth. You have proven yourselves beyond reproach and beyond question you will become gods and goddesses."
A stir of breath taking sounded above the reverent silence. Kim shuddered with the thrilling thought and felt comfortable in the choices he had made so far which had brought him here.
"There are various stations in life which each of you will assume, and you will be given your choice in which way you wish to serve. The earth will be full of suffering, sickness, wars, starvation, pestilence, deformity of mind and body. Lucifer himself will attempt to thwart the plan of our Father by destroying as many of the bodies created for His children as possible. He will use all his means to destroy bodies to keep them from reaching their eternal goals. He will cause drugs and abuse to become rampant killers of children, and as a final resort he will try to destroy the bodies of unborn children through abortions, drug induced deformities, diseases and deformities caused by ignorance and lack of knowledge will be passed on to children from parents and grandparents. Lucifer does not understand the power of the Lord. Elohim will not be thwarted. Those bodies that will be crippled, deformed, tortured by illness only to die as little children, as well as those who inherit strong physical bodies with little mental capacity, will be assigned to those spirits present here today.
"Some of you will return momentarily after you have occupied the body prepared for you; some will suffer in the physical body for a short time and then return; some with mental incapacities will remain as children on earth for the lifetime of a man, and still return white as the driven snow, exalted to godship because of your efforts here.
"We want you to consider these things in your decision and know that the longest earth life is as but a moment with Our Father. We again commend you for your valiancy; we express our great love for you on this special calling, and anxiously await your return to our presence,."
Kim awaited his interview and final assignment with eagerness. He was overwhelmed with humility that he had been chosen for this great assignment. He watched as many of his brothers and sisters took their place on earth. He watched the suffering of the sick and crippled on earth. He watched the joy of little children with pure faith in Christ; and with sadness the progression of some from simple childhood faith to adult skepticism and apostasy.
The time went quickly in the spirit world, and as many left, more returned with grand tales of adventure on the earth, or heavy hearts for their lost estates. Children returned happy and full of love for earth and for the Father, and stories of the love of their earthly families. Cripples returned and were restored to health and exaltation in the Father's presence. Some returned instantly, after only a moment of earth life, exalted to godship.
Kim watched the children. The excitement that they possessed was a thrill to see. What fun they had had. What pure love they possessed. The great thrill of earth experience, even for a few short years was exciting to Kim.
Finally the day for his interviews and assignments came. Kim had made his decision, and when the Father asked how he wanted to use his body in the service of the father, Kim answered, "I wish to remain on earth as a child."
What is A
Sandy painted a picture.
Jon looked at it.
"I've never seen blue mountains."
Jon said.
Sandy thought "Jon doesn't like my picture. He thinks it is strange.
If he doesn't like my mountains he probably doesn’t like my sky
If Jon doesn't like my picture, I am not a good painter.
If I am not a good painter, I am not a good artist. If I am not good at art,
I am not good at anything. I am not much good at all
I am worthless. Nobody likes me. Sandy looked sad.
Sandy felt very sad. She did not paint any more
She just sat and looked sad the rest of the day.
When her teacher asked why she looked so sad, she said,
"John didn't like my picture."
Do you think that is a true answer.
Sandy thought she was telling the truth.
What really made Sandy feel so sad.
What is A in this story.
What is B
What is C
Finish this sentence:
It was ____________________________________________________________________
about _____________________________________________________________________
that "made" Sandy feel ___________________________________________________,
Jon looked at it.
"I've never seen blue mountains."
Jon said.
Sandy thought "Jon doesn't like my picture. He thinks it is strange.
If he doesn't like my mountains he probably doesn’t like my sky
If Jon doesn't like my picture, I am not a good painter.
If I am not a good painter, I am not a good artist. If I am not good at art,
I am not good at anything. I am not much good at all
I am worthless. Nobody likes me. Sandy looked sad.
Sandy felt very sad. She did not paint any more
She just sat and looked sad the rest of the day.
When her teacher asked why she looked so sad, she said,
"John didn't like my picture."
Do you think that is a true answer.
Sandy thought she was telling the truth.
What really made Sandy feel so sad.
What is A in this story.
What is B
What is C
Finish this sentence:
It was ____________________________________________________________________
about _____________________________________________________________________
that "made" Sandy feel ___________________________________________________,
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